The Mad Hatter Ponders
by missylaroux
Summary: One Shot. The Mad Hatter thinks about where he went wrong with Alice and how he could fix it.


He could remember the day he saw Alice as a grown woman very clearly.

He was a man of no habits, doing whatever he pleased, randomly, yet purposefully. Sometimes he planned it and sometimes he didn't. That was the point after all. Everything must be different from the day before, sporadic and entertaining. The only constant he had ever had in his life was tea, and even then there were many flavors of tea. He needn't ever choose just one, and he never did. This day he was at home for the entire day, a rarity, but that was why he did it. Walking among his mismatching furniture and misplaced items, he looked out the back window to see a long table with empty mismatching chairs adorning the sides. Once, years ago, a little girl had taken her seat there among them. Of course he didn't remember her now; there was so much on his mind. When he did remember her it was only because his friend the March Hare would bring up the day he used _mustard _on his beloved watch.

A knock on the door alerted him. He gained a big goofy grin, a visitor? Why, the only one to ever visit him was Hare, but he just walked in through the back. This person was new and unheard of! How exciting!

He ran to the door and clumsily opened it, and a girl, nay a young woman, stood there looking nervous. She was in a plain dress, or what he assumed a plain dress looked like, he was so used to extravagance, that this dress seemed to take on its own by just wrapping itself around the wearer. He looked at her and his mouth dropped slightly, and his eyes widened. Her hair was a perfect yellow, and it washed against her shoulders perfectly. Her chin went into a delicate curve, her nose pointed right at him, demanding him, and her cheeks were red from the cold. Her eyes were large, round, and the best part, curious and steadfast. The blue just flew right at him; he fell into those diamond eyes. Her lips were parting, closing, parting; the cold had chapped them slightly, making them stick together just slightly when her mouth closed again. Perfect pink lips, that would not stop moving.

"Sir? Can you hear me?"

He started, aware that he had been staring awkwardly and missing every word she said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said I'm rather lost, and I do believe I've been here before, but it was such a long time ago. Could you tell me where I am?"

"On my front porch," he answered simply.

She gave a short annoyed sigh, "Well yes, but where is your porch located?"

"In front of my house."

She pursed her lips, "Where would your house be?"

Here he smiled, "Ah, what a question!" and taking her by the wrist pulled her inside. She cried out slightly, but he laughed and left the door open, "My house would be a place of adventure, nothing of mere trivial pursuit, but the pursuit of dreams! A place like no other, it is merely the resting stop on my road to nowhere, my trip to everything, and a brief pause in my vacation. This is where my house is Miss."

She looked flabbergasted.

"I believe I'm in the wrong home," she said uncertainly.

"Ah, but if you're looking for a new experience lass, then this is the place to stop, or rather the place to go. Come here to leave and leave here to begin your life! You think I speak of blasphemy but I assure you I speak only the truth."

"I just want to know where I am," she said distressed, and he paused, seeing her helplessness.

"Oh now, don't be upset darling," he gently took her arm and sat her down on the horribly colored bright blue couch, "What's your name?"

"Alice," she said trying not to choke on tears.

"Well Miss Alice, I'm a Hatter."

"A Mad Hatter?" she said smiling slightly.

"That's what they call me, and that's what I'm named now," he shrugged, "Now there, what might the trouble be?"

After that he never thought there was trouble. She left. He paced his house thinking of her, and then he went to find her. He had never traveled so far to find someone like _her_ before, and it was so new and exhilarating to him. Something he had never done before.

What else he had never done before was get involved in a war between the red and white queen, but that's not the point of his tale. The end result was he reached Alice and was able to bring her to his home with very little injuries. Not only that but she was declared the hero of Wonderland.

It was all perfect. At least he thought it was. He had never paid much attention, he could admit that at least. He liked to set his alarm clocks to random times, waking up before or after and leaving for extended periods of time. Sometimes he would kiss Alice good bye. Sometimes he would wake up and decide to go without another glace back. Once he left for months, but there were times when he never left at all. He and Alice were happy then, but it wasn't in his nature to stay put.

She tried not to say too much, but then it wasn't in Alice's nature to stay demure. She was angry, but he thought it was for show, she was hurt, but he didn't know that, and she was annoyed. That he knew. That he banked on, every time he returned on his doorstep she would always be there and no matter what she was doing she would raise her head up in the same manner, give him the same cold look and walk out of the room. He always came back though, he thought she knew that. If anything he thought she knew he loved her.

One day he returned home, sure of the welcome he would receive when she cooled off. That's always how it went. The initial anger period and then he would slink into the bedroom at night and sit next to her looking ashamed. As always she would sigh, he would take her in his arms, and everything would be alright. Or so he assumed.

"Alice darling," he called. He had only been gone a few days, and she was usually softer to him when he was gone for shorter periods of time. However when he walked in it all felt different. He felt as if something was missing.

Alice appeared with a bag in hand, and her big curios eyes now regretful.

"Oh dear," she sighed and shook her head, "It was selfish of me to want to leave while you were gone."

He smiled, cocking his head to the side and opening his arms for her, "I'm home," he said simply.

"I can see that," she said, "Sit down with me."

He jumped down onto the couch, grin still in place and was fully prepared to tuck her under his arm, but she pulled away. His grin faltered as he watched her methodical movements, and as he saw her hands shake he suddenly felt scared.

"Alice?"

She had been looking at the floor and when she met his gaze he thought he saw tears forming, but just as suddenly they were gone.

"I'm going back home."

"You are home," he said confused.

"No, I'm leaving Wonderland, and I don't think I'll ever come back."

His eyebrows knit, "Leaving? I don't understand."

"You never do," she shook her head, "I can't keep waiting for you to leave and return whenever you bloody well feel like it! I can't sit here worrying about where you are, what you're doing for my whole life! You don't even tell me, you're just suddenly gone, leaving me to deal with your damn clocks going off all around the house!"

He looked shocked, "I thought you were happy…"

"I wanted to be," she said her voice catching, but she straightened up and looked at him with force, "I can't be. I'm sorry."

"No, no," he said giving a half laugh, "You're not serious. Alice, don't go, please. You're the one constant in my life, you're my one habit. Without you I'm nothing. We work together! You're my roots and I'm the spontaneity in your life. Darling listen to me, we _work_. Together, we can do this _together_. You're the rope that holds me down, and I'm the balloon that keeps you up.

She shook her head, "If you're a balloon then you just continue to fly away. I can't keep waiting on you, I can't be the one that stays here while you go gallivanting all over Wonderland."

"Then come with me," he said grabbing her hands, "Come with me and together we'll go on our own adventure!"

"My whole life has been an adventure here, one right after another. To be honest, I'm tired. I wan't to go home, and I want to sleep with no worries what so ever."

"I won't worry you, I'll change. I won't make hats, I won't wear them, I'll stay here with you, I swear."

"It's not who you are," she shook her head and stood up, "I'm sorry."

He stood up too, violently, and watched her pick up her back and walk out his door.

"No," he whispered. She was trying to scare him. Turn things around on him that was all. She couldn't have really left…

But days went by and the Mad Hatter realized she was gone. He took over his over sized hat and stuffed them all on the closet. He was so sure if he just changed for her she would come back. He would make habits, he would keep schedules. The next time his bell rang he ran for it, thinking it was her, thinking she would be there with her beautiful smile and loving touch.

Instead it was a doctor.

"Hello," he said pleasantly.

"Hello…" The Mad Hatter said trying to remain calm. As his new self it was what he was training to be. But he couldn't help but wonder, was Alice hurt? Before he met her he may not have wondered if anyone was hurt, only if the doctor wanted a spot of tea, but it was different now.

"Is Alice here?" the doctor, a rather short man, asked looking around.

The Mad Hatter gave a forced shake of his head.

"Really?" the doctor said seemingly concerned, "Will she be back?"

Again The Mad Hatter could only shake his head but answered, "I hope."

"She must know what day it is of course," the doctor said, "I'm here to check on the baby."

The Hatter shook his head again, "There is no baby here sir. Terribly sorry."

Although, he thought, if he was his old self again, there might actually be a random baby here.

"No, no, not a living baby already born. Her baby. Alice's."

Slowly the words sunk in, "Alice has…"

"She's in the family way," the doctor said giving him a curious glance, "When was the last time you saw her?"

The Hatter could only stand in his doorway, stunned. A baby. There was no doubt at all whose it was, and he could only picture Alice with a small human being in her arms, whispering to it, caring for it. All alone.

This is what she had been talking about. If she had stayed he would have stayed with her, but he would have been restless. Then again, he had never been a father before. It was always something new. But he knew why she left now, knew the reason. She didn't believe he could handle a baby, she didn't believe he would make a good father with his goings and comings. She would have been alone by his choice, but by leaving she was alone by hers. This way she never felt abandoned.

She didn't leave because she hated him. She didn't leave because she no longer loved him. She left so she wouldn't get hurt. Suddenly with this renewed hope that he could bring her back and show her he loved her, show her she still loved him, he began to form a plan.

He hadn't even noticed the doctor had left. He had continued to stand in his doorway, shell shocked, and then slowly went into his house. He opened up the closet door, pulled out his larges hat and placed it on his head.

He was about to try something new. Once again he would look for Alice, but this time the ending would be different. This time he would return as a father, as someone who actually cared for Alice openly. He would come back, and he would stay, because he had never stayed before. He didn't want to leave again, he wanted to be here, with Alice, and a baby.

The only problem was finding her.

It didn't matter to him. He took a step out that door, and with the most determined mind anyone had ever seen a Mad Hatter in before, set off to find Alice.

And when they returned, he would stay.

_Thanks for reading. Its just a real short random thing, I'm not upset over it or proud over it, honestly its too late for me to actually think anything about it. I hope you enjoyed it! If not, sorry. It was just a quick thing, haha_


End file.
